Ah, lists! I love them. I live by them. I practically worship them. They keep me organized, in conjunction with the three calendars I keep, and they are my secret for those who perceive me as organized. Sweet, sweet, lists. I could write an ode to them. Don't even get me started on the endorphins released when I get to check things off a list!
But this is not that kind of list. It's a list of wisdoms sent to me on the occasion of my half-century mark earlier this year. Some of the items listed stand as they are, many of them scream for comments by moi, and I've deleted items that were on the list with which I either disagreed or felt were taking up too much room in this already lengthy post.
As noted, this list is not mine, but I am unsure to whom the credit belongs as my friend forwarded it to me from someone else. All hail whomever wrote this and the credit is yours. The comments are all mine, so is the credit and blame.
50 YEARS OF WISDOM
1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
I would also add that life is what you make of it, after you come to terms with the 'not fair' part.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
Something I need to keep in mind, as I tend to take the next big step. Ouch!
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
HELLO!
4. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
I like this one a lot. Keep the ol' sense of humor. (and don't you hate it when people spell 'a lot' as "alot'??)
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
God Bless Cameron for teaching me this one. I think I could retire now on the interest I paid prior to 2001!
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
Okay, so I'm still struggling with this one. I think other people should pay attention to this one, though, especially when arguing with me.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone. 'nough said.
8. Always have a plan B. And C and D and E and...
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck. Too late, but great advice! As for those of us who didn't, see #8 above.
10. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present. Nothing to add - it's perfectly stated.
11. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about. YES! See posts below....
12. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. So tell your friends and family you love them, make time to see them, make your peace, give it your all.
13. Life is too short for long pity parties. Get busy living, or get busy dying. See many of the entries above!
14. You can get through anything if you stay put in today.
15. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no
for an answer.
16. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie.
Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special. Hygge, baby!
17. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
18. The most important sex organ is the brain. Other parts help.
19. No one is in charge of your happiness except you. God, how I love accountability!
20. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: "In five years,
will this matter?" I can tell you, that waitlist not clearing for my customers won't!
21. Forgive everyone everything. But know when to walk away. Forgiving doesn't mean putting up with everything.
22. What other people think of you is none of your business. It's theirs.
23. However good or bad a situation is, it will change. Is this good or bad?! I think we need #8 for this one!
24. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
25. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
26. Now and then it's good to pause in our pursuit of happiness and just be happy.
27. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
28. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need. Except enough placemats and candles.
29. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind. Just breathe.
30. If you don't ask, you don't get. AMEN!
Sunday, October 14, 2007
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
Notamom 2
I've shared the "Notamon" with a few of my other childless (for many reasons, both purposeful and sad) friends and the response has been interesting and welcome. One beloved friend made an excellent observation:
"The only difference between being childless at 50 vs. 40 is that there is no longer the option which, once realized and accepted, is very freeing."
I think she captured what I flippantly skipped over below. Yes, I did want children, but always assumed it would just happen (yes, I do know the mechanics of how it happens...no problems there), so never made concrete plans for them and, in turn, made life choices that prevented my progeny from walking the earth. I have mourned it and I have, as my friend states above, accepted it and found it freeing.
I also question how deep that desire was if I chose to marry a man with whom not having children was certain. I suppose I wonder who will take care of me in my ripe old age, but having children certainly doesn't guarantee anyone will be waiting at the end to visit me and make sure I'm fed and changed. Isn't that why I should be buying long-term care insurance??
So, in the shell of a nut, although I once wanted and expected to have children, I don't envy those with kids and I am both fulfilled and happy without them.
Proud to be NOTAMOM!
"The only difference between being childless at 50 vs. 40 is that there is no longer the option which, once realized and accepted, is very freeing."
I think she captured what I flippantly skipped over below. Yes, I did want children, but always assumed it would just happen (yes, I do know the mechanics of how it happens...no problems there), so never made concrete plans for them and, in turn, made life choices that prevented my progeny from walking the earth. I have mourned it and I have, as my friend states above, accepted it and found it freeing.
I also question how deep that desire was if I chose to marry a man with whom not having children was certain. I suppose I wonder who will take care of me in my ripe old age, but having children certainly doesn't guarantee anyone will be waiting at the end to visit me and make sure I'm fed and changed. Isn't that why I should be buying long-term care insurance??
So, in the shell of a nut, although I once wanted and expected to have children, I don't envy those with kids and I am both fulfilled and happy without them.
Proud to be NOTAMOM!
Saturday, October 6, 2007
Notamom
As a woman of a certain age (see last post) without children and, thus, without grandchildren in the pipeline, I move in an interesting world, populated by other women like me and by those who just can't understand my choices. I have managed to thumb my nose at my obligations to both past generations and society, yet still remain happy, centered and fulfilled. Horrors and how down right rude.
Although I can name as many friends and colleagues without children as with, there still hangs that giant question of "WHY NOT??" when I must admit I have failed to produce the next generation. I get it more from those I encounter of other cultural and ethnic backgrounds than my own, yet my homey white folks ask it, too. There is almost a pity from them when I tell them "it just didn't happen". That's a lot easier than explaining I assumed I would have them, I probably meant to have them, then made life choices that obviously led to not having them, so maybe I didn't really want them afterall and if I didn't want kids, well.... what kind of WOMAN am I??!
See?
I had a close friend for decades who, once she and her husband decided to adopt a child at age 49, also decided that I -the childless one- was too jealous and envious of their obvious good fortune and windfall to have my bad karma in their lives any more. Good fortune and windfall wouldn't be the first words that come to my mind when given a child (okay, so "given" after tens of thousands of dollars were paid - they really, really, REALLY wanted a child) from another part of the world and obliged with the future of said child for the next 20 plus years at their ripe old age of 49.... She is thrilled to take that on, as are many others and God bless 'em!!
So sue me, Angelina, Madonna and said former friend. I wish you all the best and thank you for saving these children from what truly would have been a tough and possibly terrible and short life. I wish the same for all those men and women who want to do that. Yes, please save the children! Just stop thinking the rest of us are jealous of you and want to do it, too.
Now, don't think I don't like kids. I do. I like them a lot, in the right place and time. I love other people's kids (man, do I love that Amelia Paris Blavin-Kakone!!) and I love spending time with them and then, giving them back. I love shopping for them and being the aunt who brings presents and laughs. I love playing Chutes-n-Ladders with them or watching "Little Mermaid", but I don't have to watch it 37 times. I'll happily be your kid's Auntie, too. It's a role that suits me. I'll buy their girl scout cookies and school wrapping paper, I'll donate to their walk-a-thons and help raise money for their acquatic center. Since I don't have my own, think of how much MORE I can give to yours.
And you know what else? I get to lavish my nephew with love and fund raising dollars and still travel with my husband to far flung lands without worrying about babysitters. I can meet up with friends or colleagues for dinner without worrying about whether or not the family will eat in my absence. I can splurge for the mani and pedi without worrying I won't have enough for the soccer uniform. I can give to the charities of my choice (City of Hope and MS Society, by the way) more freely and not be concerned that I just spent Junior's college tuition.
Selfish? Maybe. Resigned? Possibly. Happy? Most definitely.
Although I can name as many friends and colleagues without children as with, there still hangs that giant question of "WHY NOT??" when I must admit I have failed to produce the next generation. I get it more from those I encounter of other cultural and ethnic backgrounds than my own, yet my homey white folks ask it, too. There is almost a pity from them when I tell them "it just didn't happen". That's a lot easier than explaining I assumed I would have them, I probably meant to have them, then made life choices that obviously led to not having them, so maybe I didn't really want them afterall and if I didn't want kids, well.... what kind of WOMAN am I??!
See?
I had a close friend for decades who, once she and her husband decided to adopt a child at age 49, also decided that I -the childless one- was too jealous and envious of their obvious good fortune and windfall to have my bad karma in their lives any more. Good fortune and windfall wouldn't be the first words that come to my mind when given a child (okay, so "given" after tens of thousands of dollars were paid - they really, really, REALLY wanted a child) from another part of the world and obliged with the future of said child for the next 20 plus years at their ripe old age of 49.... She is thrilled to take that on, as are many others and God bless 'em!!
So sue me, Angelina, Madonna and said former friend. I wish you all the best and thank you for saving these children from what truly would have been a tough and possibly terrible and short life. I wish the same for all those men and women who want to do that. Yes, please save the children! Just stop thinking the rest of us are jealous of you and want to do it, too.
Now, don't think I don't like kids. I do. I like them a lot, in the right place and time. I love other people's kids (man, do I love that Amelia Paris Blavin-Kakone!!) and I love spending time with them and then, giving them back. I love shopping for them and being the aunt who brings presents and laughs. I love playing Chutes-n-Ladders with them or watching "Little Mermaid", but I don't have to watch it 37 times. I'll happily be your kid's Auntie, too. It's a role that suits me. I'll buy their girl scout cookies and school wrapping paper, I'll donate to their walk-a-thons and help raise money for their acquatic center. Since I don't have my own, think of how much MORE I can give to yours.
And you know what else? I get to lavish my nephew with love and fund raising dollars and still travel with my husband to far flung lands without worrying about babysitters. I can meet up with friends or colleagues for dinner without worrying about whether or not the family will eat in my absence. I can splurge for the mani and pedi without worrying I won't have enough for the soccer uniform. I can give to the charities of my choice (City of Hope and MS Society, by the way) more freely and not be concerned that I just spent Junior's college tuition.
Selfish? Maybe. Resigned? Possibly. Happy? Most definitely.
Tuesday, May 1, 2007
The Other Side
Greetings from the other side of 50. Almost 4 months since the last post when I was merely in my 40's. So. So what?
At 50 I have enough self confidence to know I can get through just about anything and I will be okay. Make that I can get through anything and I will be okay. You can define okay.
I am smart enough with life experience to know we pretty much make our own karma. Our life is a compilation of our decisions and is nobody's fault but our own. I am fully accountable for everything I have done or said, whether I meant it or not, whether it was misunderstood or taken out of context. It served someone's purpose to take it differently than I meant it, but I put the words and deeds out there. They are the universe's to use and define. I know what I meant and that is mine with which to make peace. Or not.
I can strive to be more precise in word and deed. Never too old to learn or change. Never too old to know when change is not needed and we are fine the way we are, too.
I know what I'm good at. I know my strengths and weaknesses. Mostly. I've even been known to admit them.
So, at 50 I still think like I'm 30 but nothing quite works as it did then. I now know I am not immortal and neither are my friends and family. I hope that's an improvement from 30 and that I'll better treasure the times with them now.
So friends and family that is my stream of consciousness for the day. Be healthy and make it a great day, filled with hygge!
At 50 I have enough self confidence to know I can get through just about anything and I will be okay. Make that I can get through anything and I will be okay. You can define okay.
I am smart enough with life experience to know we pretty much make our own karma. Our life is a compilation of our decisions and is nobody's fault but our own. I am fully accountable for everything I have done or said, whether I meant it or not, whether it was misunderstood or taken out of context. It served someone's purpose to take it differently than I meant it, but I put the words and deeds out there. They are the universe's to use and define. I know what I meant and that is mine with which to make peace. Or not.
I can strive to be more precise in word and deed. Never too old to learn or change. Never too old to know when change is not needed and we are fine the way we are, too.
I know what I'm good at. I know my strengths and weaknesses. Mostly. I've even been known to admit them.
So, at 50 I still think like I'm 30 but nothing quite works as it did then. I now know I am not immortal and neither are my friends and family. I hope that's an improvement from 30 and that I'll better treasure the times with them now.
So friends and family that is my stream of consciousness for the day. Be healthy and make it a great day, filled with hygge!
Monday, January 8, 2007
What is Hygge
I tried to explain this concept in my first post, but I just found a site (http://www.hyggehouse.com) that has an excellent description of hygge. This is what I strive for in my life and relationships. This is hygge:
"The Danish word Hygge (hu-gah) is a feeling or mood that comes from taking genuine pleasure in making ordinary everyday things simply extraordinary; whether it's using real lights on a Christmas tree or breaking out the good wine when friends come over. It's about owning things you only truly love or that inspire, being present in yourself and your life, putting effort into your home without being Martha Stewart or buying a bed in a bag. It's about being conscious and authentic from home to work to friends to celebrations and making all events {no matter how big or small, mundane or exciting} matter. Words like cosiness, security, familiarity, comfort, reassurance, fellowship, simpleness and living well are often used to describe the idea of Hygge.
"Some refer to Hygge as the Art of Creating Intimacy (with yourself, friends and home). Technology and modern day busy-ness has removed Americans from themselves, their homes and ordinary tasks, making them feel as though these things are hard to do, have no importance or are too time-consuming. Danes, however, only like to do things that are fun, nourish the soul and are familiar so they find ways to incorporate that into their daily life. By creating simple rituals without effort {such as brewing real tea with a little china cup every evening to stopping at the farmers market every week to buy flowers} the Danes see both the domestic and personal life as an artform and not every drudgery to get away from.
"Taking pride in what you have now and not just what you dream are part of Danish life and Hygge. Think of it as what Chic is to the French; a lifestyle that can explain a table top to a dinner party to a charming house or a personal way of being. Basic, uncomplicated, unexaggerated - Hygge!"
How do I bring it in to my life and relationships? I set the dinner table in color coordinating placemats, napkins and plates; light candles around the home most evenings; warm up my coffee mug and milk before adding the coffee in the morning; froth that warmed up milk for the coffee; bring fresh flowers into the home every now and then; light the tiki torches around the pool on a warm evening; play a little Sinatra and Diana Krall on the iPod when friends are over for wine; little things make the ordinary extraordinary.
"The Danish word Hygge (hu-gah) is a feeling or mood that comes from taking genuine pleasure in making ordinary everyday things simply extraordinary; whether it's using real lights on a Christmas tree or breaking out the good wine when friends come over. It's about owning things you only truly love or that inspire, being present in yourself and your life, putting effort into your home without being Martha Stewart or buying a bed in a bag. It's about being conscious and authentic from home to work to friends to celebrations and making all events {no matter how big or small, mundane or exciting} matter. Words like cosiness, security, familiarity, comfort, reassurance, fellowship, simpleness and living well are often used to describe the idea of Hygge.
"Some refer to Hygge as the Art of Creating Intimacy (with yourself, friends and home). Technology and modern day busy-ness has removed Americans from themselves, their homes and ordinary tasks, making them feel as though these things are hard to do, have no importance or are too time-consuming. Danes, however, only like to do things that are fun, nourish the soul and are familiar so they find ways to incorporate that into their daily life. By creating simple rituals without effort {such as brewing real tea with a little china cup every evening to stopping at the farmers market every week to buy flowers} the Danes see both the domestic and personal life as an artform and not every drudgery to get away from.
"Taking pride in what you have now and not just what you dream are part of Danish life and Hygge. Think of it as what Chic is to the French; a lifestyle that can explain a table top to a dinner party to a charming house or a personal way of being. Basic, uncomplicated, unexaggerated - Hygge!"
How do I bring it in to my life and relationships? I set the dinner table in color coordinating placemats, napkins and plates; light candles around the home most evenings; warm up my coffee mug and milk before adding the coffee in the morning; froth that warmed up milk for the coffee; bring fresh flowers into the home every now and then; light the tiki torches around the pool on a warm evening; play a little Sinatra and Diana Krall on the iPod when friends are over for wine; little things make the ordinary extraordinary.
Saturday, January 6, 2007
Random Acts
Karma.
Fate.
God's will.
What is it? Can we make a difference by throwing back the proverbial starfish, one at a time? Can we bounce back the good luck by letting the car in? Do we really do things for others for selfless reasons, or are we motivated by what we will reap from the action in the universe?
I believe good begets good and I love the surprise factor of the random act of kindness. Sometimes no one is more surprised that I am when I hand the cashier my Starbucks's card for the woman in front of me who realizes she has no cash, her debit card won't work and she's about to write a check for a $4 latte on which she probably shouldn't be spending her money.
Did I just enable someone who really needs to learn how to manage her money? Did I get that person who was standing between me and my grande sugarfree hazelnut non-fat latte out of my %&^%&*&$$#@ way? Did I just do something kind that might inspire her to let that car in? Will that driver in turn do something nice for another and so on and so on and so on and so on..........
It must be a combination because she got her latte gratis and I got my latte sooner than waiting for her to write the check. Maybe she did let that car in, too. Maybe that chain kept going and that's why I got that parking spot today.
Thanks, universe.
Fate.
God's will.
What is it? Can we make a difference by throwing back the proverbial starfish, one at a time? Can we bounce back the good luck by letting the car in? Do we really do things for others for selfless reasons, or are we motivated by what we will reap from the action in the universe?
I believe good begets good and I love the surprise factor of the random act of kindness. Sometimes no one is more surprised that I am when I hand the cashier my Starbucks's card for the woman in front of me who realizes she has no cash, her debit card won't work and she's about to write a check for a $4 latte on which she probably shouldn't be spending her money.
Did I just enable someone who really needs to learn how to manage her money? Did I get that person who was standing between me and my grande sugarfree hazelnut non-fat latte out of my %&^%&*&$$#@ way? Did I just do something kind that might inspire her to let that car in? Will that driver in turn do something nice for another and so on and so on and so on and so on..........
It must be a combination because she got her latte gratis and I got my latte sooner than waiting for her to write the check. Maybe she did let that car in, too. Maybe that chain kept going and that's why I got that parking spot today.
Thanks, universe.
Monday, January 1, 2007
It starts somewhere
So my blog starts here. Not sure where I'll go and how in-depth I'll get, but I'll start here, this January 1, 2007, this new year in which I will see the half century mark.
Why "hygge hut" as the title for my blog? Hygge is a Danish word and there is no English translation. It is a concept of warmth, welcome, acceptance and feeling all toasty good inside. Candles glowing, a fireplace roaring and a fine glass of something with family or friends or that someone on a winter's eve is hygge. A beautiful summer day surrounded by friends at a barbecue, playing croquet or resting in a hammock while the laughter and chatter of the group sweeps over you is hygge.
I hope you'll feel the hygge here at the hygge hut.
Why "hygge hut" as the title for my blog? Hygge is a Danish word and there is no English translation. It is a concept of warmth, welcome, acceptance and feeling all toasty good inside. Candles glowing, a fireplace roaring and a fine glass of something with family or friends or that someone on a winter's eve is hygge. A beautiful summer day surrounded by friends at a barbecue, playing croquet or resting in a hammock while the laughter and chatter of the group sweeps over you is hygge.
I hope you'll feel the hygge here at the hygge hut.
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