What I learned in 2014

I've not been writing here this year, since I've focused all my efforts on my real estate related blog, Katie on Long Beach (www.katieonlongbeach.com).  However, this is the place for the annual accounting of the knowledge I've gained during the last year.  You might not be able to teach this old dog new tricks, but you sure can teach me new things.  This has been a year of personal growth, of pain, of triumphs and validation, of challenges I could not have imagined, as well as a year to celebrate successes and changes.  "All stages of life are transitional."

Things I learned in 2014:

1. The Serenity Prayer works.  Try it and keep trying it until you get it.
2. Being a Realtor has little to do with sales, it's about being of service to people in a challenging time and impacting lives in a positive way.
3. It's okay to state what you want and/or need and neither apologize for it nor explain yourself.
4. Handing someone keys to their new home is an awesome feeling.
5. Hosting 10 UCLA students for a dinner taught me our future is in good hands.
6. Watching collegiate level water polo is fun, exciting, and really great when Stanford wins (or UCLA, but only when not playing Stanford).
7. Becoming part of a church community is rewarding, uplifting and comforting. And you get to sing Christmas carols at Advent.
8. Paso wines just keep getting better and sharing with friends is the best.
9. Friendships forged in challenges are sometimes the strongest bonds.
10. A broken heart can mend, although the crack will always show.
11. Sorority sisters are always there for you.  Always. Through anything. For decades.
12. Being my own boss means I really am my own boss.  I can dress how I want and attend sales meetings or not, work or not. Get paid, or not.  It's all up to me.  What a concept.  Wish I'd learned this one a while ago.
13. Having a good car mechanic is crucial.
14. Having a good therapist rivals having a good mechanic.  I am fortunate to have both.
15. Time spent in Hawaii is good for the soul, and the more time in the water, the better.
16. Family isn't always there for you, but they try the best they know how.
17. Admitting I have little control of anything and surrendering to that has been life changing.
18. I prefer my hair a little less blonde.
19. I love my niece and nephew more every day and can't see enough of them.
20. People can be incredibly cruel.
21. People will remember what you did in the '80's and bring it up in mixed company.
22. Mama's Fish House on Maui deserves all the raves.
23. Many people who say they are looking for a house are flakey (but not my clients).
24. Not everyone has the same work ethic or professional standard I do.
25. We still have a magic carpet with my flight benefits, but we should use it more.
26. Cancer sucks. I already knew that, but each time I lose someone to it, I am reminded how insidious it is.
27. Self-care is underrated and so very important: put on your own oxygen mask before helping those around you.
28. Life is a blessing and opportunities to enjoy it and to prosper are everywhere, no matter what challenges arise. Just open your eyes and your heart.
29. Vin Scully is a national treasure.
30. Old age is always about 10-15 years older than you are.

Wishing you and those you care about a most healthy and prosperous 2015.  Seize the day!

What I Learned in 2013

It's time again for my annual post about what I learned in the year just closing.  I'm happy to say that I can still learn something every year - every day - and I hope I am a kinder, gentler person because of it.  With tongue firmly in cheek on a few of these and hand to my heart on others, here are some of the things I learned in 2013:

1. There is life after United.
2. Watching those we love grow older and more frail makes me feel helpless.
3. Buying a real airline ticket to make sure you get on the flight is pretty cool.  And miles are earned, too.
4. Money can change lives and change people, although not always for the better.
5. Just when I thought I had enough friends, my life expanded to welcome in more.  Those I'm talking about know who you are.
6. I am still good at taking exams, and I'm still the first one done.
7. People you least suspect can have terrible, hurtful secrets.
8. At 56 years old I can find a new career and love it with the enthusiasm of someone much younger.
9. My skills are transferable.
10. Therapy is a gift.
11. Real estate sales are far more about customer service than they are sales, which is why I love the new career.
12. Our capacity to love and forgive is immense.
13. 65 miles is really, really, REALLY far away when it's the distance between you and a 5 year old.
14. Saying I love you to people you love is important, no matter how much they know it.
15. A heart can be shattered, but love, time, understanding and attention will usually help mend it. 
16. Some things are worth working on.
17. Some things are not worth working on.
18. I can root against the UCLA Bruins when they are playing against my nephew and his Stanford Cardinal team.
19. Exercise really does help.
20. Watching a 5 year old learn letters, numbers, concepts and more is the coolest thing.  
21. Traveling with friends can surprise you.
22. I love to zipline.
23. Stanford is my 2nd favorite team, except when the Cardinal Men's water polo team is playing UCLA, then they are my favorite.
24. I despise studying, regardless of subject.  Not much has changed there in decades or ever.
25. Stopping the mind to just be in the moment is very, very hard.
26. Sometimes a box wine is just fine, although not all box wine is fine.
27. I don't miss my job at United.  Aside from the regular paycheck, that is.
28. Becoming friends with winery owners is fun and leads to good times with really good people.
29. I have a vital support system with some incredible friends.
30. Cancers still sucks.
31. "The Power of Now" is more like a super power.
32. I really can't sing, no matter how much I try.
33. My husband loves to take dance lessons.
34. Good intentions can be misconstrued and people can accuse you of things you never did, with no way to ever convince them otherwise.
35. I can survive anything.  Well, so far!

Joy

The other day while browsing Facebook I happened on a link to a song a dear friend posted.  Appreciating many of this friend's prior posts, I clicked on it and was delighted to listen to "Happy" by Pharrell Williams.

That song changed my entire mood, although I was not in a bad one to start.  It had me moving in my chair, then I started clapping my hands and, finally, I was up out of my chair dancing.  What I felt was joy.  Pure, unfiltered, unbridled and unrestrained joy.

When was the last time I had felt that way?

The last 24 months have been full of challenges: good ones, terrible ones, not great ones, and ones easily overcome.  You won't read about those on Facebook, you probably won't hear me speak of them in conversation.  The worst part is, in facing those challenges, even those over which I triumphed, I had lost my joy. I'm not saying I wasn't happy, either.  Those who know me know I'm generally a very happy person and certainly I have been happy, but joy was elusive.

Caveat: The exceptions have been moments with my now 5 year old niece.  A toddler (and now a youngster) knows pure joy and can give it if you are open to accepting it.  I am wide open to accepting her joy and it feeds my soul.

I never stopped working on the challenges to take a break, to maybe even celebrate the victory over them. I don't remember the last time I completely let joy overtake me, that I was able to live in that moment, in only that moment.

Eckert Tolle's book "The Power of Now" is about living in the moment, so is the concept of "Be here now".  However, it's almost impossible to be in the moment with all of our phones, tablets, computers, media and distracted driving pulling at our attention.  With the multitasking (or what we think is multitasking, but is really scattered productivity), it's impossible to fully experience one thing and only one thing.

How much richer could an experience be if it had our full attention?  A conversation where we didn't check our phone?  A drive where we didn't listen to news?  Watching "Homeland" without playing Candy Crush Saga?  Enjoying a meal without taking a photo of it to post to a social media site?

What if we just stopped.

What if we just stopped and lived in that moment?  Would that let joy back in?  Would stopping to let the sadness, the gladness, the emotion of the moment wash over us make it better?

I believe it would.  I am actively working to focus on the now.  To feel the water over my hands as I wash them.  To look up at the sky and see the clouds, feel the breeze.  I'm working to not be electronically connected ALL the time, but to be truly connected to the moment.

I want to again know that joy that "Happy" gave me for that instant.  I want to know and experience joy over things more than a song.  That means that I want to fully experience grief when it comes, to feel and acknowledge pain when I'm hurt emotionally as only through that do I believe I can heal from these things and move forward into joy.

Today I will take 10 minutes for me and be only in that moment, not thinking about what is going to happen after that 10 minutes or what happened before it.  Only what happens during it. 

And then I'll listen to "Happy" and I believe I'll dance.  You can, too.  Here's the link, below.

 Pharrell Williams, "Happy"
 

Who Wants a House?

Here is the letter I sent out to my "sphere of influence" to announce my career change:

Dear Friends and Family,

Hello from the Larson Lodge in Long Beach!  I hope this letter finds you and your loved ones well and enjoying the summer of 2013.  Cameron and I are doing great and have some news to share with you about a big change in our lives.

As you might be aware, I retired from United Airlines earlier this year.  It was an opportunity for an early buyout with retirement benefits of flight privileges and healthcare for life.  Sweet!  Cameron was fully supportive and encouraging of the move so we made the leap in February.  It was also perfect timing for me, as I was already preparing to return to an interest I started almost 10 years ago in Illinois:  Real Estate.

Yes, I am now a Realtor!  I initially received my license in Illinois in 2004 and had been meaning to do the same in California when we moved home in 2005, but my full-time work took my attention and I put it on the backburner of priorities.  It is now the center of my focus and has my full attention.  I’m so excited about this venture and the opportunities to help people with some of their biggest decisions in life.   The job and field are tailor made for my skills, my interests and my passions. 

In May I affiliated with a phenomenal brokerage here in Long Beach:  Keller Williams Pacific Estates.  Keller Williams is the #1 real estate company in the country by agent count.  The Pacific Estates location is just under 2 years old, but one of the fastest growing offices in the country, attracting top talent from other real estate offices in the area and me!  The team is welcoming, willing to share experiences and the support system is very strong.  I have already established valuable relationships with lenders, title reps, inspectors, appraisers and other team members that are vital to successful transactions.  I am so ready to GO and start making a difference here!

While I will be primarily focusing on the East Long Beach/Seal Beach/Los Alamitos areas to start, I am ready to help you with whatever real estate needs you might have.  If you’re not here in Southern California, I can refer you to agents who specialize in your area, as I already have an excellent network of trusted Realtors in many parts of the country.  I can answer questions for you and I can help point you in the right direction for things real estate related.  If you or someone you know has a real estate license, I’m also happy to take your referrals.  You know I’ll take excellent care of them for you.

Enclosed with this letter are two of my business cards.  Please keep one and pass the other one on to someone you know who might be able to use my help.  You might already be in your forever home or have a really good friend or family member already serving your real estate needs.  That is great!  If you’re not, or know someone who is looking to buy or sell, please tell them about me and send them my way.  I bring the same enthusiasm, integrity, quick response time, confidence, organization and collaborative approach to this endeavor that was the foundation of my successes at United Airlines and in my personal relationships. 

To continue my work in the community, I will also be donating a portion of any earned commissions to local organizations, such as Pathways to Independence and the Long Beach Basket Brigade.  I can also work with the buyer or seller to benefit one of their preferred charities.

Thank you for your support these many years and I look forward to a great future with that continued support.  Wishing you the best – make it a great day.

If you want to be interesting, be interested!

Some simple things can be forgotten in the rush of life and all that goes on in a typical day.  Having just returned from a great trip to Costa Rica with 7 others and recently chatting with a member of the Millennial generation, one of these simple things was brought home:

If you want to be interesting to others, you need to be interested in others.

I am guilty of the info dump, focusing on me, me, me and what happened to me, forgetting that the person on whom I am dumping (usually my patient husband) might also have something to share.  He routinely calls me during the work day and before he can say much more than hello, I immediately bring him up to date on my day, my conversations, our niece's latest antics, our nephew's water polo schedule, my Facebook news before even letting him tell me WHY he called or asking him how he is.  Uh, yeah.  I do that.

On the other hand, if I call someone, I try to start the conversation by asking them if this is a good time to chat and asking them about their day/trip/work/etc.  So, I'm not all clueless all the time.

In the last week we had some fabulous adventures in Costa Rica: ziplining, sport fishing, diving, surfing, spice farm visits, horseback rides, relaxing, nature hikes, animal spotting and more.  Not everybody did everything together, so there were times when we wanted to share with each other what WE did.  On a few occasions someone would share how their adventure went, regale us with the tales (which each of us loved to hear) and then leave the room, completely forgetting to ask anyone else how their day was and what adventures they had had.  Certainly everyone is responsible for speaking up for themselves, but it's nice to be asked, too.  It's nice to know someone might be interested in you and what you did.

In my conversation with a Millennial (those 18-20 somethings), I was hearing really great stuff from them but was never asked about what I was doing or how that week we just spent in Costa Rica went.  I volunteered how our week went, then thanked them for inspiring me to write this post.  It was a sincere thanks and a good reminder for me.

Facebook posts an interesting (if you're interested!) dilemma:  the primary function is to tell people what YOU are doing, how You are feeling, where You are.  It is a product of the Millennials, who tend to be somewhat self-absorbed anyway, but we Boomers just might be the biggest users of the program.  If you want someone to care that your cat did something funny, that you had an awesome meal or were at an airport, make sure you check out, comment on or like the posts by your friends and family, too.  They posted something for a reason (and not the "I have a headache" or "I'm hungry" type posts - those don't necessarily merit comments), thinking someone - YOU - might be interested.  Show them you are and they are more likely to be interested in what you're doing, eating, seeing, hearing.

Yes, there are times when we MUST get our information out and want to share it right NOW, but if you want someone to be interested in what you have to say, best you ask them how their day/trip/work was, too.

I promise to try to be better about that with the patient and quiet man I married, too.

As long as we're talking travel...

2009:  Sydney, Melbourne, Chicago, Atlanta, New York, Vancouver Island, Chicago, Honolulu, San Franciso, San Francisco, Oakland, Sacramento, Las Vegas, Atlanta, Brisbane, Whitsundays, Dallas, Houston, Sydney (yes, Australia 3 times this year), Chicago: 74,570 miles

 New Year's Eve/Day on Sydney Harbour

 Jimmy Buffett in Honolulu

 

 

 Aphelion off Whitehaven Beach, Oz

2010: Chicago, Palm Springs, Tucson, Austin, Madrid, Sacramento, Oakland, Seattle, Kauai, Virginia, Austin: 32,869 miles

 

  Rioja region of Spain

 Austin, TX 

 

 

2011: Sydney, Sacramento, San Francisco, Atlanta, New York, Sacramento, Kona, Chicago, Houston, Jackson Hole, Houston, New York, Israel, Jordan, Austin: 65,613 miles

  Jimmy Buffett concert in Sydney

  Kayaking in Kona

  Israel

  Petra, Jordan

2012: San Francisco, Chicaago, Atlanta, (double knee replacements kept me off planes for 3 months), Maui, Houston, Melbourne, Sydney, Jackson Hole, San Francisco, New York, Cedar Rapids, Denmark, Prague, Austin: 60,317 miles

  Maui

 

   Victoria, Australia

  Denmark with the cousins

 

 Cesky Krumlov, Czech Republic

 

 

 

I could probably rebuild years further back but those are the ones I have in my BlackBerry right now, with all the connections and miles by segment.  I didn't count the drives to Paso Robles, Santa Ynez, Big Bear and San Diego.  What will 2013 bring?  We already have Chicago, Atlanta, San Diego and Costa Rica planned.  What else?

What I learned in 2012

I started these posts a couple of years ago and found they're a good way to remind me of the year just ended and to be grateful for each day, as you never know what the next one will bring.

What I learned in 2012

• Starting a new year off with friends is always a good idea - thanks, Ray and Becky for your January 1st soiree to set the tone for the year with good wine, good friends, good food
•  Insurance companies can be very, very frustrating
• Orthopedic surgeons are rock stars
• Good friends who live far away can always be visited with a plane flight to Atlanta, San Francisco, Chicago or Austin. (And a few other places...)
• Our parents are not indestructible
• Having two knee replacements at the same time is better than two separate times.  (Well, I only did the former, so the latter is purely speculation.)
• Laguna Beach for a weekend with dear friends can feel like a week's vacation
• Turning 55 is great - it opens up opportunities that weren't there a day earlier
• USC isn't so bad, at least their orthopedic doctors aren't - I love my Trojan knees
• We live in the best neighborhood, with the best neighbors
• I was not bored being off work for 6 weeks
• Cameron can be a very good caregiver
• Friday assistants make the world go round
• As proud as I am of my nephew, he continues to do things that make me even more proud.  I'll probably burst next year when he graduates high school and starts Stanford.
• Some people are just rude and thoughtless, and you can't change them
• Paso wines keep getting better (I'm talking about you Daou, Ecluse, Dark Star...)
• Good friends who live far away can always visit us with a plane flight from San Francisco, Sydney, New York, Chicago and Austin
• You can decide on Monday night to fly to Australia on Tuesday and actually do it
• There is an ocean called The Southern Ocean.  And I've seen it.
• Pathways continues to inspire me and we keep raising more money through the efforts of the amazing women who are Friends of Pathways.
• Watching a 4 year old grow and learn is pure delight and awe.  Listening to "Call Me Maybe" over and over and over and over and over and over...not so much
• Enough is sometimes enough and there comes time to say good-bye
• Being a Bruin on a police escorted bus from DIA to the hotel in Westminster, CO, is really cool!
• Cancer sucks and is totally unfair.  It can take a vibrant 24 year old with a stellar future and not care about the wreckage left in the wake
• A city covered in cobblestones (hello, Prague!) is beautiful but you end up with sore feet
• Everyone has their price
• Coming up with 26 random acts of kindness is not easy but it's wonderful to try
• Our parents are not immortal

"You can't live a perfect day without doing something for someone who can never repay you." - John Wooden 

 The very best of the 2013 to you and those you hold dear.  Give them an extra hug when you see them and never leave or end a call without telling them you love them.  When we lost Cameron's father this month we knew, without question, that the last words we exchanged with him were "I love you".  It is a comfort.  It's also good to hear, even if you know it.  If you need practice saying it, start with the person in the mirror.

 Happy New Year!

Because of United...

It's a time of reflection as the new year stands waiting there, next week, just a few days away.  Whether I stop to think about the past or not, 2013 will be here and then it will become the past, too.  Time marches on and all that. 

Today I am thinking about all that my employment at United has brought me:  a spouse, friends, travels, education, enlightenment, frustration, tears, family time, a good salary, security, health care, a future with a small pension, a 401(k), health benefits and flight benefits for life.  It might take me a few posts to highlight them all.  Let me reflect on the travel I have done because I have worked for an airline.  I'm sure I'll forget some places, there have been so many...

I grew up traveling, with my first plane flight on American Airlines to El Paso when I was not yet 3 years old.  That was followed by family vacations in the station wagon, driving across country to see my grandparents in Virginia and in Iowa (sometimes at their summer home in Minnesota); to see my mother's childhood home in Iowa and my dad's in Arkansas, to see every national and state park we could.  I hopped over the border to Mexico and to Canada.  I took my first trip to Europe in 1985, followed by one in 1986.  I left my job at EF Hutton Life Insurance/1st Capital Life Insurance with a one way ticket to Europe and stayed almost 6 months.

When I came back I needed a job.  What would better suit my wanderlust than a job with an airline?  When I started with United, in the Los Angeles reservations office, you had to work for the company for a year before you received flight benefits, but you were given 1 trip prior to that to try the product.  I flew to New York City for the very first time with my classmate and friend Claudia Blancett.  From there I hopped down to Washington, DC to visit my grandmother in Woodbridge, VA, then home.  Just a few months later the rules were changed to only 6 months seniority for the flight benefits and off to Maui I went with Kathi Porter.  And then you couldn't stop me.

New Orleans, Kauai, Honolulu, San Francisco, New York again, Washington again, Maine for shopping, anywhere in New England for snow and foliage, Colorado, Texas, Utah for skiing.  Buenos Aires with Carol Dreher and Costa Rica with Marcy Clarke for vacations. France with Peggy, Italy with Jayne.  Denmark to see family, England with Teri, Scotland with Laura, Ireland with Troy, cruises with Sharon, John and Keary.  I reacquainted with Cameron Larson, a guy from UCLA days, while on a connection in Denver.  We started dating and then it was Hawaii, New Orleans, San Francisco, Chicago, London and Paris with Cam.

In 1998 I took a job with United in Chicago, moving from my beloved San Diego to the Chicago suburbs in January.  This job with United Services, my favorite of my UA career, was selling line maintenance services to other airlines.  Airlines around the world.  This meant 200,000 miles a year in travel, negotiating contracts in Australia, China, Korea, Spain, England, Argentina, Thailand, and other places around the globe.  That photo at the top is me sitting in the captain's seat of the British Airways SST Concorde at Heathrow.  That's Matt Robinson on the right, to whom I was turning over the BA account when I left that job.  My first trip with the United Services job was to China.

I'll pick up on the next post where I went from there.

McKenna

A draft I found from 2010...

In a very fortunate life, filled with lots of good stuff, one of my joys is my 28 month old niece McKenna. She is so funny, loving, smart, stubborn and you might get that I am totally in love with her. That's how it just is sometimes. I'm not a mom, but I am a darned good aunt.

Yesterday, during Thanksgiving festivities at her house, we were running up and down the hall. She would should "RUN, KK! RUN FAST!" and off we would go, faster than I thought I could move this large 53+ year old body, but McKenna can make me do just about anything. On a few of the runs down the very long hallway I would duck into a doorway and wait for her to notice. She would come running back to find me.

Finally, after the third or fourth time of my ducking out, she ran up to me and said "I love you", and just as my heart was melting, she took off running and called over her shoulder  :"RUN, KK!" and off we went.

Vernon Maitland Larson

My father-in-law, Vern Larson, passed away the morning of December 4, 2012.  He was 91 years and 10 months old, in good spirits, good mind and good health.  We don't know exactly why he passed or what.  We know he went to breakfast that day in his assisted living home, Bradford Square, but he did not go to lunch ad he was found, passed, on the floor in his room.  Cameron and his sister, Karen, opted to not have an autopsy done.  They didn't see what good it could possibly have done and didn't want to further disturb him or them.  I agree with that.  91 years well lived, through much sadness and adventure, did not need that kind of ending.

Here is the biography of Vern I wrote for the memorial services program:

Born in Little Cedar, IA, to Hans Larson, owner of a creamery, and his wife, Anna, Vern was one of 5 children and one of 4 very busy and athletic brothers. 

He attended high school in Riceville and went on to attend Luther College in Decorah, Iowa, until the winds of war took him and his brothers to faraway places.  While his brothers all served in the Pacific, Vern went to Europe with the Army Air Forces, being among the first to enter Paris and Berlin after VE Day.

After the war Vern and his brother Wendell found sunny Southern California.  They both attended UCLA and Vern’s love of UCLA continued for the rest of his life.  Vern transferred to UC Berkeley to finish his Engineering degree and started his career at Factory Mutual in San Francisco.  He also met his wife, Doris Termes, there.

Vern and Doris had two children – Karen and Cameron.  Doris passed away from cancer in 1961.  The young widower found love again with Mae Loucks, whom he married in late 1962.  They moved the family to Southern California in 1964 and eventually settled in Placentia.

Karen married Frank Bello and had two children, Christine and Michael.  Frank passed away in 2003.  Cameron married Joanne Whitbread and had two children, Anna and Eric.  Cameron divorced in 1990 and married Katie Kimbell in 1999.  Vern delighted in his family and their successes, and he loved being a grandfather.

Vern retired from Factory Mutual in 1983 and spent many days on the Alta Vista golf course.  He had two holes in one and shot his age several times – great accomplishments for a golfer!

We lost Mae in 1998 and Vern again settled into being a widower.  At age 82 Ruth Schroeder walked into Vern’s life and he was like a love smitten teenager.  Ruth and Vern married in 2005, at age 84.  We lost Ruth in 2009 and Vern moved into Bradford Square.  He threw himself into life there, delighting in Bingo games, cribbage, Wii Bowling and each and every meal.  We are grateful for the love and care they gave him at Bradford Square.

Throughout his life Vern remained passionate about golf, family and UCLA.  With his quick chuckle and twinkling blue eyes he touched lives and made friends wherever he went.

And here is my eulogy I read at the service on December 10, 2012:

With his matinee idol mustache, his sparkling blue eyes and his passion for all things UCLA, I loved my father-in-law, Vern Larson.

We first met at “The Club”, Alta Vista Country Club in Placentia, where Vern delighted in playing and in treating his family to Sunday brunch.  Cam had brought me out to meet the family for the first time.  Vern was warm and welcoming to me.
As my relationship with Cameron deepened, I grew closer to Vern.  I grieved alongside him at Mae’s passing and then was overjoyed at becoming his daughter-in-law.
As many of you know, Vern never forgot a birthday or an anniversary.  Like clockwork, always in time, a card would arrive in the mail for us with a sweet note and a generous gift.

He loved UCLA and what fun we had watching games – like the USC game with the Farmers – and listening to him talk about the Bruins.  As soon as a game would end our phone would ring and he would be calling Cam to talk about it.  The last one they had a chance to talk about was this year’s Bruin vitory over the Trojans.  Thanks, guys, for giving him that.  He loved the Bruins so much he named Cameron after a UCLA football player and his email address was “Bruin 49er”.

In 1999, shortly after Cameron and I were married, Vern came out to visit us in Illinois.  After a couple days Cam had to go back to work and I drove Vern from our home to the annual Larson family reunion in Cresco, Iowa.  For more than 5 hours Vern talked and talked, and talked.  He told me about his growing up in Iowa, about his brothers, World War II, moving to California and his family with Doris and Mae.  I was given a crash course in the Larsons and he wanted to make sure I knew everything I should know about my new family.  I was a Larson now!

When we arrived in Iowa that year I had the rare treat of seeing all four of the Larson brothers together, Harold, David, Vern and Wendell.  That year was the last time they were all together.  I also got to meet all the cousins and really felt like a Larson, afterall I’d had my 5 hour crash course!  I could not have been happier to have joined this family.

Vern’s visits to our Illinois home the week before the Larson reunion became annual events we looked forward to and we had fun taking him to Arlington Park for the horse races, cooking for him and just visiting.

After Mae no one expected him to find the love and life he found with Ruth.  Their love was tangible and they were as affectionate as teenagers.  She brought Vern to life.  Those sparkling blue eyes danced when they looked at Ruth.  Her vigor, golf game, faith and cooking made him happy, incredibly happy.  She also brought him here, to Brea United Methodist Church.  He and Ruth found love at 82 years old – may we all be so lucky.

The last 3 ½ years since Ruth’s passing we’ve watched Vern make difficult decisions, but he made them independently, with forethought.  He moved into assisted living at Bradford Square.  He gave up golf and he gave up driving.  He eventually gave up walking much and just used his scooter.  He rode that thing around Bradford Square, down the sidewalk to the drugstore and to our last outing last month at The Whole Enchilada with Karen, Michael, Christine, Cameron and me.

Just as in golf you play it as it lies, Vern played his life as it lay – working with whatever life threw at him, in sad times and in good times, with integrity, perseverance and focus.

“So, anyhow…” was how Vern segued conversations and “Love you” was how he ended them.

So, anyhow, Vern, love you. 

And we miss him every day.

Friends of Pathways Request 2012

This is my annual letter sent to many friends and family looking for support for the charity that is my passion:  Pathways to Independence.  I welcome all supporters and donations!

Dearest Family and Friends:

 It’s Pathways season and I’m baaaack!! 

 For the 5^th year I am deeply involved in the annual Friends of Pathways fundraising event, an annual party held in the Park Estates section of Long Beach to raise money for Pathways to Independence (PTI).  Yes, that same organization you’ve been seeing in my signature line for the last few years.  There are many, many fine charities, causes and organizations out there to support; many focus on finding cures and treatments for diseases, education, helping children who are sick or starving, helping the homeless, the helpless and the deserving.  I have gladly written checks over the years and most of my money was channeled toward health issues (MS Society, City of Hope, American Cancer Society, Team in Training, etc.).  It was when Cam and I attended this event ourselves, as guests, in 2007, that I was finally moved to action, to do more than write a check.

 PTI serves the Orange County and Long Beach area and it has grown now to 42 women in the program with over 260 graduates.  PTI provides housing, healthcare, educational costs, car repair, psychological services and mentoring to young women who come from the most horrific backgrounds and who have been living below the poverty level.  These women, who come from all ethnic backgrounds, commit to attending school full time with the goal of a B.A./B.S., they commit to working part time, to keeping up with their healthcare (dentist, eye doctor, general doctor visits), seeing a psychologist once a week and working with a mentor.  Over 100 medical professionals donate their services and they are joined by auto mechanics and other service providers in a network of 300+ volunteers who support Pathways to Independence.  Some of their stories are told in a book that came out last year titled “Butterfly Tears”.

 While not everyone makes it through the program, the success rate at PTI is over 80%.  Pathways graduates are now teachers, attorneys, social workers, nurses, in medical school and are changing our world as we helped them change theirs.  More than 90% of every dollar raised go right back to the program.  This event raises one third of the annual budget for Pathways.  Last year we raised $320,000 net for PTI.  Stop and think about that amount of money.  It’s really overwhelming and it’s all pulled together from May to the event in October by a group of women, like me, who are passionate about this.

 This is the 16^th year of the Friends of Pathways event, started by 4 women who wanted to keep PTI from closing its doors.  Three of these women, Lisa Mais, Gayle Wright and Johnna Bryant, still head up the event.  I’ve worked on the auction committee the last 4 events, running the silent auction tent for the past 3.  Cam started volunteering at the events in 2009.  This year I stepped up to the steering committee.

 So, let me tell you that I know you are asked frequently to give and that you can’t say yes to everyone.  I respect and honor that.  If you’re at all interested, I encourage you to check out the website below and maybe to pick up the book about PTI, “Butterfly Tears”.  It’s available on the PTI website, the book website below, on Amazon or by Kindle.  Proceeds of the sale go back to PTI.  If I’ve peaked your interest a bit more than that, I have some options for you to consider, and these can even be combined!

1. Attend our event “Rockin’ Memphis in the Park” on Saturday, October 6th.  The cost is $100 per person ($75 tax deductible) and includes food from 31 Long Beach/OC area fine restaurants, beer, wine, soda and water, dancing, FABULOUS silent and live auctions.  We’ll have rock-n-roll music from The Hodads all evening long as we stroll a street in Park Estates that’s been turned into Memphis, complete with Graceland and Beale Street.  As this event sells out every year we are expanding the event to 500 people for the first time this year.  We still expect a sellout, so buy your tickets NOW at www.pathwaystoindependence.org .

2. Buy some raffle tickets.  $100 buys you 12 tickets, $25 for 3 or I’ll even sell you 1 for $10.  The Grand Prize is a trip to anywhere, with a credit for $3,500 to plan a trip with Surf City Travel.  2^nd prize is $1,000 and 3^rd prize is an iPad 2.  Send me a check (made out to Friends of Pathways) and I’ll get you in the raffle and send you the stubs.  I have sold the Grand Prize winning ticket 2 of the last 4 years, so I’m a lucky person to buy them from!

 

3. Purchase a sponsorship.   It starts at just $500 and gets you some advertising. More money gets you more exposure, tickets and reserved tables. (Contact me for specifics)

 

4. Donate an item we can put in our silent auction.  If you have something from your business, contacts, a week in a vacation home, something you bought and would like to donate, please let me know.  Our event is known for having the best silent auction around, with most items and baskets starting at a $100 value.  Our live auctions items are exciting, too! 

 

5. Send in a donation through the web address below or send me a check made out to Friends of Pathways. 

6. JUST WISH US LUCK WITH THE EVENT!  You mean so much to me that I wanted to share this passion with you, but I’m happy if you just give me your well wishes and save your dollars for something that moves you as much as this does me, something about which you are passionate.  It doesn’t matter where we do good, just do good.

Thanks for reading and thanks for supporting me, in whatever way is best for you.

50 and Fabulous (redux)

 First posted January 31, 2010, I just reread this entry below and, at 55, it seems to bear a repost... (and if you're looking for the Jen Lancaster post it's the next one down)

50 and fabulous

A dear friend of mine turned 50 on Friday and I was trying to tell her how great it is to be in your 50's. Now, for those youngsters out there still in their 40's, it's not that I don't wish I were younger (thinner, richer, healthier, prettier, funnier), but there is something so freeing about hitting the big 5-0.

Like, you no longer have to wonder if that cute young guy is looking at you. He isn't. Unless you remind him of his mom.

You know you're not ever going to the Olympics as anything other than a spectator, so you can stop worrying about when to start training.

What you're going to be when you grow up has already been decided.

You know what you like, you often know what you want and sometimes you remember both of those.

Sometimes you get the seat because you're the oldest one around.

You don't really care what others think any more because you have confidence and experience. You know who you are and if others don't like it, well... You still might want to change out of the slippers when you leave the house. Or not.

The President of the United States is younger than you are. I don't know that that is a good thing about being in your 50's, but it's a fact. Like when you realized that Miss America was younger than you...that the NFL football players were all younger than you...then you realized that you could be the mother of Miss America or an NFL football player. But not the POTUS.

Not yet, anyway.

(And still not yet, regardless of who wins the election this year.)

Social Media Experiment

One of my favorite authors, Jen Lancaster (www.jennsylvania.com), is doing a social media experiment, asking folks to post, blog, tweet about her and/or her work.  Okay, Jen, here ya go and this is probably overdue, anyway:

A couple years ago I joined my friend Gloria, her husband and some friends for a few days in Hawaii.  I asked Gloria about the book she was reading with the intriguing title, "Such a Pretty Fat", and she told me about one of her favorite authors, Jen Lancaster, and that she reads one of her books for fun every year when she goes to Hawaii.

Having just finished a serious novel ("Cutting for Stone" by Abraham Verghese, which I loved), I was looking for a little lighter reading.  I Googled Jen Lancaster (doesn't everyone do a background check on an author before you read?), read up a little, got caught up in her blog and discovered she writes memoirs where the action mostly takes place in my old home of Chicago.  I downloaded "Bitter is the New Black" to my Kindle and was instantly smitten.

Although not quite a decade older, I could relate to some of the stories and certainly the terrain.  No, I'm not snarky or the mean girl to my colleagues, but I secretly enjoyed the thought of having the nerve to unleash one at one of my accounts, at just the perfect opportunity.  I did it vicariously through Jen.

I couldn't get enough of Jen's sarcasm, her wit and her humor.  My husband would get annoyed when I'd open the Kindle in bed, "Going to bed with Jen again?"  My guffaws would be louder than my husband's snoring; my snickers while reading in the doctor's office would turn heads, and I became a citizen of Jennsylvania.  I caught up on all of her books (because I always read my authors in the order their books are published) just as "If You Were Here" came out.  Then I had to wait a whole year before the latest one, "Jeneration X" came out.  Just like when I caught up with "Weeds", "24" and "Dexter as new seasons started and had to wait another week to watch Jack Bauer save the world.  Hate. to. wait.

However, I had a secret weapon - if I can't Read Ms. Lancaster, then I'll read what she recommends!  That's how I came to read a non-fiction book about cells:  "The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks" .  I loved it. 

So, then I had to "like" her page on Facebook, keep up with her blog and I have her autograph on a bookplate for "Jeneration X" stuck to my Kindle cover. I find myself talking about the Jen Lancaster books to my friends, especially my Chicago area friends.  Now I even prescribe her books to friends going through tumultuous times.  The ol' laughter is the best medicine thingy.

I shipped off "Bitter is the New Black and "Bright Lights Big Ass" to a friend (who had lived in Chicago) who was going through marital strife.  I just bought "Bitter is the New Black" for a friend in a mid-life crisis.  Really, if you can laugh - and I dare you not to as you make your way from Bitter to Bright Lights to Pretty (x2) to Lazy and to her first novel before landing at Jeneration - it will give you some respite from the crap we all go through. If we can laugh with Jen and Jen's faults, foibles and fun, then we know we will be fine, too.

Thanks, Jen, for being there when we need you.  Good luck with your social media experiment and please come to Long Beach/Orange County on your next book tour.