If you want to be interesting, be interested!

Some simple things can be forgotten in the rush of life and all that goes on in a typical day.  Having just returned from a great trip to Costa Rica with 7 others and recently chatting with a member of the Millennial generation, one of these simple things was brought home:

If you want to be interesting to others, you need to be interested in others.

I am guilty of the info dump, focusing on me, me, me and what happened to me, forgetting that the person on whom I am dumping (usually my patient husband) might also have something to share.  He routinely calls me during the work day and before he can say much more than hello, I immediately bring him up to date on my day, my conversations, our niece's latest antics, our nephew's water polo schedule, my Facebook news before even letting him tell me WHY he called or asking him how he is.  Uh, yeah.  I do that.

On the other hand, if I call someone, I try to start the conversation by asking them if this is a good time to chat and asking them about their day/trip/work/etc.  So, I'm not all clueless all the time.

In the last week we had some fabulous adventures in Costa Rica: ziplining, sport fishing, diving, surfing, spice farm visits, horseback rides, relaxing, nature hikes, animal spotting and more.  Not everybody did everything together, so there were times when we wanted to share with each other what WE did.  On a few occasions someone would share how their adventure went, regale us with the tales (which each of us loved to hear) and then leave the room, completely forgetting to ask anyone else how their day was and what adventures they had had.  Certainly everyone is responsible for speaking up for themselves, but it's nice to be asked, too.  It's nice to know someone might be interested in you and what you did.

In my conversation with a Millennial (those 18-20 somethings), I was hearing really great stuff from them but was never asked about what I was doing or how that week we just spent in Costa Rica went.  I volunteered how our week went, then thanked them for inspiring me to write this post.  It was a sincere thanks and a good reminder for me.

Facebook posts an interesting (if you're interested!) dilemma:  the primary function is to tell people what YOU are doing, how You are feeling, where You are.  It is a product of the Millennials, who tend to be somewhat self-absorbed anyway, but we Boomers just might be the biggest users of the program.  If you want someone to care that your cat did something funny, that you had an awesome meal or were at an airport, make sure you check out, comment on or like the posts by your friends and family, too.  They posted something for a reason (and not the "I have a headache" or "I'm hungry" type posts - those don't necessarily merit comments), thinking someone - YOU - might be interested.  Show them you are and they are more likely to be interested in what you're doing, eating, seeing, hearing.

Yes, there are times when we MUST get our information out and want to share it right NOW, but if you want someone to be interested in what you have to say, best you ask them how their day/trip/work was, too.

I promise to try to be better about that with the patient and quiet man I married, too.

As long as we're talking travel...

2009:  Sydney, Melbourne, Chicago, Atlanta, New York, Vancouver Island, Chicago, Honolulu, San Franciso, San Francisco, Oakland, Sacramento, Las Vegas, Atlanta, Brisbane, Whitsundays, Dallas, Houston, Sydney (yes, Australia 3 times this year), Chicago: 74,570 miles

 New Year's Eve/Day on Sydney Harbour

 Jimmy Buffett in Honolulu

 

 

 Aphelion off Whitehaven Beach, Oz

2010: Chicago, Palm Springs, Tucson, Austin, Madrid, Sacramento, Oakland, Seattle, Kauai, Virginia, Austin: 32,869 miles

 

  Rioja region of Spain

 Austin, TX 

 

 

2011: Sydney, Sacramento, San Francisco, Atlanta, New York, Sacramento, Kona, Chicago, Houston, Jackson Hole, Houston, New York, Israel, Jordan, Austin: 65,613 miles

  Jimmy Buffett concert in Sydney

  Kayaking in Kona

  Israel

  Petra, Jordan

2012: San Francisco, Chicaago, Atlanta, (double knee replacements kept me off planes for 3 months), Maui, Houston, Melbourne, Sydney, Jackson Hole, San Francisco, New York, Cedar Rapids, Denmark, Prague, Austin: 60,317 miles

  Maui

 

   Victoria, Australia

  Denmark with the cousins

 

 Cesky Krumlov, Czech Republic

 

 

 

I could probably rebuild years further back but those are the ones I have in my BlackBerry right now, with all the connections and miles by segment.  I didn't count the drives to Paso Robles, Santa Ynez, Big Bear and San Diego.  What will 2013 bring?  We already have Chicago, Atlanta, San Diego and Costa Rica planned.  What else?

What I learned in 2012

I started these posts a couple of years ago and found they're a good way to remind me of the year just ended and to be grateful for each day, as you never know what the next one will bring.

What I learned in 2012

• Starting a new year off with friends is always a good idea - thanks, Ray and Becky for your January 1st soiree to set the tone for the year with good wine, good friends, good food
•  Insurance companies can be very, very frustrating
• Orthopedic surgeons are rock stars
• Good friends who live far away can always be visited with a plane flight to Atlanta, San Francisco, Chicago or Austin. (And a few other places...)
• Our parents are not indestructible
• Having two knee replacements at the same time is better than two separate times.  (Well, I only did the former, so the latter is purely speculation.)
• Laguna Beach for a weekend with dear friends can feel like a week's vacation
• Turning 55 is great - it opens up opportunities that weren't there a day earlier
• USC isn't so bad, at least their orthopedic doctors aren't - I love my Trojan knees
• We live in the best neighborhood, with the best neighbors
• I was not bored being off work for 6 weeks
• Cameron can be a very good caregiver
• Friday assistants make the world go round
• As proud as I am of my nephew, he continues to do things that make me even more proud.  I'll probably burst next year when he graduates high school and starts Stanford.
• Some people are just rude and thoughtless, and you can't change them
• Paso wines keep getting better (I'm talking about you Daou, Ecluse, Dark Star...)
• Good friends who live far away can always visit us with a plane flight from San Francisco, Sydney, New York, Chicago and Austin
• You can decide on Monday night to fly to Australia on Tuesday and actually do it
• There is an ocean called The Southern Ocean.  And I've seen it.
• Pathways continues to inspire me and we keep raising more money through the efforts of the amazing women who are Friends of Pathways.
• Watching a 4 year old grow and learn is pure delight and awe.  Listening to "Call Me Maybe" over and over and over and over and over and over...not so much
• Enough is sometimes enough and there comes time to say good-bye
• Being a Bruin on a police escorted bus from DIA to the hotel in Westminster, CO, is really cool!
• Cancer sucks and is totally unfair.  It can take a vibrant 24 year old with a stellar future and not care about the wreckage left in the wake
• A city covered in cobblestones (hello, Prague!) is beautiful but you end up with sore feet
• Everyone has their price
• Coming up with 26 random acts of kindness is not easy but it's wonderful to try
• Our parents are not immortal

"You can't live a perfect day without doing something for someone who can never repay you." - John Wooden 

 The very best of the 2013 to you and those you hold dear.  Give them an extra hug when you see them and never leave or end a call without telling them you love them.  When we lost Cameron's father this month we knew, without question, that the last words we exchanged with him were "I love you".  It is a comfort.  It's also good to hear, even if you know it.  If you need practice saying it, start with the person in the mirror.

 Happy New Year!

Because of United...

It's a time of reflection as the new year stands waiting there, next week, just a few days away.  Whether I stop to think about the past or not, 2013 will be here and then it will become the past, too.  Time marches on and all that. 

Today I am thinking about all that my employment at United has brought me:  a spouse, friends, travels, education, enlightenment, frustration, tears, family time, a good salary, security, health care, a future with a small pension, a 401(k), health benefits and flight benefits for life.  It might take me a few posts to highlight them all.  Let me reflect on the travel I have done because I have worked for an airline.  I'm sure I'll forget some places, there have been so many...

I grew up traveling, with my first plane flight on American Airlines to El Paso when I was not yet 3 years old.  That was followed by family vacations in the station wagon, driving across country to see my grandparents in Virginia and in Iowa (sometimes at their summer home in Minnesota); to see my mother's childhood home in Iowa and my dad's in Arkansas, to see every national and state park we could.  I hopped over the border to Mexico and to Canada.  I took my first trip to Europe in 1985, followed by one in 1986.  I left my job at EF Hutton Life Insurance/1st Capital Life Insurance with a one way ticket to Europe and stayed almost 6 months.

When I came back I needed a job.  What would better suit my wanderlust than a job with an airline?  When I started with United, in the Los Angeles reservations office, you had to work for the company for a year before you received flight benefits, but you were given 1 trip prior to that to try the product.  I flew to New York City for the very first time with my classmate and friend Claudia Blancett.  From there I hopped down to Washington, DC to visit my grandmother in Woodbridge, VA, then home.  Just a few months later the rules were changed to only 6 months seniority for the flight benefits and off to Maui I went with Kathi Porter.  And then you couldn't stop me.

New Orleans, Kauai, Honolulu, San Francisco, New York again, Washington again, Maine for shopping, anywhere in New England for snow and foliage, Colorado, Texas, Utah for skiing.  Buenos Aires with Carol Dreher and Costa Rica with Marcy Clarke for vacations. France with Peggy, Italy with Jayne.  Denmark to see family, England with Teri, Scotland with Laura, Ireland with Troy, cruises with Sharon, John and Keary.  I reacquainted with Cameron Larson, a guy from UCLA days, while on a connection in Denver.  We started dating and then it was Hawaii, New Orleans, San Francisco, Chicago, London and Paris with Cam.

In 1998 I took a job with United in Chicago, moving from my beloved San Diego to the Chicago suburbs in January.  This job with United Services, my favorite of my UA career, was selling line maintenance services to other airlines.  Airlines around the world.  This meant 200,000 miles a year in travel, negotiating contracts in Australia, China, Korea, Spain, England, Argentina, Thailand, and other places around the globe.  That photo at the top is me sitting in the captain's seat of the British Airways SST Concorde at Heathrow.  That's Matt Robinson on the right, to whom I was turning over the BA account when I left that job.  My first trip with the United Services job was to China.

I'll pick up on the next post where I went from there.

McKenna

A draft I found from 2010...

In a very fortunate life, filled with lots of good stuff, one of my joys is my 28 month old niece McKenna. She is so funny, loving, smart, stubborn and you might get that I am totally in love with her. That's how it just is sometimes. I'm not a mom, but I am a darned good aunt.

Yesterday, during Thanksgiving festivities at her house, we were running up and down the hall. She would should "RUN, KK! RUN FAST!" and off we would go, faster than I thought I could move this large 53+ year old body, but McKenna can make me do just about anything. On a few of the runs down the very long hallway I would duck into a doorway and wait for her to notice. She would come running back to find me.

Finally, after the third or fourth time of my ducking out, she ran up to me and said "I love you", and just as my heart was melting, she took off running and called over her shoulder  :"RUN, KK!" and off we went.

Vernon Maitland Larson

My father-in-law, Vern Larson, passed away the morning of December 4, 2012.  He was 91 years and 10 months old, in good spirits, good mind and good health.  We don't know exactly why he passed or what.  We know he went to breakfast that day in his assisted living home, Bradford Square, but he did not go to lunch ad he was found, passed, on the floor in his room.  Cameron and his sister, Karen, opted to not have an autopsy done.  They didn't see what good it could possibly have done and didn't want to further disturb him or them.  I agree with that.  91 years well lived, through much sadness and adventure, did not need that kind of ending.

Here is the biography of Vern I wrote for the memorial services program:

Born in Little Cedar, IA, to Hans Larson, owner of a creamery, and his wife, Anna, Vern was one of 5 children and one of 4 very busy and athletic brothers. 

He attended high school in Riceville and went on to attend Luther College in Decorah, Iowa, until the winds of war took him and his brothers to faraway places.  While his brothers all served in the Pacific, Vern went to Europe with the Army Air Forces, being among the first to enter Paris and Berlin after VE Day.

After the war Vern and his brother Wendell found sunny Southern California.  They both attended UCLA and Vern’s love of UCLA continued for the rest of his life.  Vern transferred to UC Berkeley to finish his Engineering degree and started his career at Factory Mutual in San Francisco.  He also met his wife, Doris Termes, there.

Vern and Doris had two children – Karen and Cameron.  Doris passed away from cancer in 1961.  The young widower found love again with Mae Loucks, whom he married in late 1962.  They moved the family to Southern California in 1964 and eventually settled in Placentia.

Karen married Frank Bello and had two children, Christine and Michael.  Frank passed away in 2003.  Cameron married Joanne Whitbread and had two children, Anna and Eric.  Cameron divorced in 1990 and married Katie Kimbell in 1999.  Vern delighted in his family and their successes, and he loved being a grandfather.

Vern retired from Factory Mutual in 1983 and spent many days on the Alta Vista golf course.  He had two holes in one and shot his age several times – great accomplishments for a golfer!

We lost Mae in 1998 and Vern again settled into being a widower.  At age 82 Ruth Schroeder walked into Vern’s life and he was like a love smitten teenager.  Ruth and Vern married in 2005, at age 84.  We lost Ruth in 2009 and Vern moved into Bradford Square.  He threw himself into life there, delighting in Bingo games, cribbage, Wii Bowling and each and every meal.  We are grateful for the love and care they gave him at Bradford Square.

Throughout his life Vern remained passionate about golf, family and UCLA.  With his quick chuckle and twinkling blue eyes he touched lives and made friends wherever he went.

And here is my eulogy I read at the service on December 10, 2012:

With his matinee idol mustache, his sparkling blue eyes and his passion for all things UCLA, I loved my father-in-law, Vern Larson.

We first met at “The Club”, Alta Vista Country Club in Placentia, where Vern delighted in playing and in treating his family to Sunday brunch.  Cam had brought me out to meet the family for the first time.  Vern was warm and welcoming to me.
As my relationship with Cameron deepened, I grew closer to Vern.  I grieved alongside him at Mae’s passing and then was overjoyed at becoming his daughter-in-law.
As many of you know, Vern never forgot a birthday or an anniversary.  Like clockwork, always in time, a card would arrive in the mail for us with a sweet note and a generous gift.

He loved UCLA and what fun we had watching games – like the USC game with the Farmers – and listening to him talk about the Bruins.  As soon as a game would end our phone would ring and he would be calling Cam to talk about it.  The last one they had a chance to talk about was this year’s Bruin vitory over the Trojans.  Thanks, guys, for giving him that.  He loved the Bruins so much he named Cameron after a UCLA football player and his email address was “Bruin 49er”.

In 1999, shortly after Cameron and I were married, Vern came out to visit us in Illinois.  After a couple days Cam had to go back to work and I drove Vern from our home to the annual Larson family reunion in Cresco, Iowa.  For more than 5 hours Vern talked and talked, and talked.  He told me about his growing up in Iowa, about his brothers, World War II, moving to California and his family with Doris and Mae.  I was given a crash course in the Larsons and he wanted to make sure I knew everything I should know about my new family.  I was a Larson now!

When we arrived in Iowa that year I had the rare treat of seeing all four of the Larson brothers together, Harold, David, Vern and Wendell.  That year was the last time they were all together.  I also got to meet all the cousins and really felt like a Larson, afterall I’d had my 5 hour crash course!  I could not have been happier to have joined this family.

Vern’s visits to our Illinois home the week before the Larson reunion became annual events we looked forward to and we had fun taking him to Arlington Park for the horse races, cooking for him and just visiting.

After Mae no one expected him to find the love and life he found with Ruth.  Their love was tangible and they were as affectionate as teenagers.  She brought Vern to life.  Those sparkling blue eyes danced when they looked at Ruth.  Her vigor, golf game, faith and cooking made him happy, incredibly happy.  She also brought him here, to Brea United Methodist Church.  He and Ruth found love at 82 years old – may we all be so lucky.

The last 3 ½ years since Ruth’s passing we’ve watched Vern make difficult decisions, but he made them independently, with forethought.  He moved into assisted living at Bradford Square.  He gave up golf and he gave up driving.  He eventually gave up walking much and just used his scooter.  He rode that thing around Bradford Square, down the sidewalk to the drugstore and to our last outing last month at The Whole Enchilada with Karen, Michael, Christine, Cameron and me.

Just as in golf you play it as it lies, Vern played his life as it lay – working with whatever life threw at him, in sad times and in good times, with integrity, perseverance and focus.

“So, anyhow…” was how Vern segued conversations and “Love you” was how he ended them.

So, anyhow, Vern, love you. 

And we miss him every day.

Friends of Pathways Request 2012

This is my annual letter sent to many friends and family looking for support for the charity that is my passion:  Pathways to Independence.  I welcome all supporters and donations!

Dearest Family and Friends:

 It’s Pathways season and I’m baaaack!! 

 For the 5^th year I am deeply involved in the annual Friends of Pathways fundraising event, an annual party held in the Park Estates section of Long Beach to raise money for Pathways to Independence (PTI).  Yes, that same organization you’ve been seeing in my signature line for the last few years.  There are many, many fine charities, causes and organizations out there to support; many focus on finding cures and treatments for diseases, education, helping children who are sick or starving, helping the homeless, the helpless and the deserving.  I have gladly written checks over the years and most of my money was channeled toward health issues (MS Society, City of Hope, American Cancer Society, Team in Training, etc.).  It was when Cam and I attended this event ourselves, as guests, in 2007, that I was finally moved to action, to do more than write a check.

 PTI serves the Orange County and Long Beach area and it has grown now to 42 women in the program with over 260 graduates.  PTI provides housing, healthcare, educational costs, car repair, psychological services and mentoring to young women who come from the most horrific backgrounds and who have been living below the poverty level.  These women, who come from all ethnic backgrounds, commit to attending school full time with the goal of a B.A./B.S., they commit to working part time, to keeping up with their healthcare (dentist, eye doctor, general doctor visits), seeing a psychologist once a week and working with a mentor.  Over 100 medical professionals donate their services and they are joined by auto mechanics and other service providers in a network of 300+ volunteers who support Pathways to Independence.  Some of their stories are told in a book that came out last year titled “Butterfly Tears”.

 While not everyone makes it through the program, the success rate at PTI is over 80%.  Pathways graduates are now teachers, attorneys, social workers, nurses, in medical school and are changing our world as we helped them change theirs.  More than 90% of every dollar raised go right back to the program.  This event raises one third of the annual budget for Pathways.  Last year we raised $320,000 net for PTI.  Stop and think about that amount of money.  It’s really overwhelming and it’s all pulled together from May to the event in October by a group of women, like me, who are passionate about this.

 This is the 16^th year of the Friends of Pathways event, started by 4 women who wanted to keep PTI from closing its doors.  Three of these women, Lisa Mais, Gayle Wright and Johnna Bryant, still head up the event.  I’ve worked on the auction committee the last 4 events, running the silent auction tent for the past 3.  Cam started volunteering at the events in 2009.  This year I stepped up to the steering committee.

 So, let me tell you that I know you are asked frequently to give and that you can’t say yes to everyone.  I respect and honor that.  If you’re at all interested, I encourage you to check out the website below and maybe to pick up the book about PTI, “Butterfly Tears”.  It’s available on the PTI website, the book website below, on Amazon or by Kindle.  Proceeds of the sale go back to PTI.  If I’ve peaked your interest a bit more than that, I have some options for you to consider, and these can even be combined!

1. Attend our event “Rockin’ Memphis in the Park” on Saturday, October 6th.  The cost is $100 per person ($75 tax deductible) and includes food from 31 Long Beach/OC area fine restaurants, beer, wine, soda and water, dancing, FABULOUS silent and live auctions.  We’ll have rock-n-roll music from The Hodads all evening long as we stroll a street in Park Estates that’s been turned into Memphis, complete with Graceland and Beale Street.  As this event sells out every year we are expanding the event to 500 people for the first time this year.  We still expect a sellout, so buy your tickets NOW at www.pathwaystoindependence.org .

2. Buy some raffle tickets.  $100 buys you 12 tickets, $25 for 3 or I’ll even sell you 1 for $10.  The Grand Prize is a trip to anywhere, with a credit for $3,500 to plan a trip with Surf City Travel.  2^nd prize is $1,000 and 3^rd prize is an iPad 2.  Send me a check (made out to Friends of Pathways) and I’ll get you in the raffle and send you the stubs.  I have sold the Grand Prize winning ticket 2 of the last 4 years, so I’m a lucky person to buy them from!

 

3. Purchase a sponsorship.   It starts at just $500 and gets you some advertising. More money gets you more exposure, tickets and reserved tables. (Contact me for specifics)

 

4. Donate an item we can put in our silent auction.  If you have something from your business, contacts, a week in a vacation home, something you bought and would like to donate, please let me know.  Our event is known for having the best silent auction around, with most items and baskets starting at a $100 value.  Our live auctions items are exciting, too! 

 

5. Send in a donation through the web address below or send me a check made out to Friends of Pathways. 

6. JUST WISH US LUCK WITH THE EVENT!  You mean so much to me that I wanted to share this passion with you, but I’m happy if you just give me your well wishes and save your dollars for something that moves you as much as this does me, something about which you are passionate.  It doesn’t matter where we do good, just do good.

Thanks for reading and thanks for supporting me, in whatever way is best for you.