What I Learned in 2013

It's time again for my annual post about what I learned in the year just closing.  I'm happy to say that I can still learn something every year - every day - and I hope I am a kinder, gentler person because of it.  With tongue firmly in cheek on a few of these and hand to my heart on others, here are some of the things I learned in 2013:

1. There is life after United.
2. Watching those we love grow older and more frail makes me feel helpless.
3. Buying a real airline ticket to make sure you get on the flight is pretty cool.  And miles are earned, too.
4. Money can change lives and change people, although not always for the better.
5. Just when I thought I had enough friends, my life expanded to welcome in more.  Those I'm talking about know who you are.
6. I am still good at taking exams, and I'm still the first one done.
7. People you least suspect can have terrible, hurtful secrets.
8. At 56 years old I can find a new career and love it with the enthusiasm of someone much younger.
9. My skills are transferable.
10. Therapy is a gift.
11. Real estate sales are far more about customer service than they are sales, which is why I love the new career.
12. Our capacity to love and forgive is immense.
13. 65 miles is really, really, REALLY far away when it's the distance between you and a 5 year old.
14. Saying I love you to people you love is important, no matter how much they know it.
15. A heart can be shattered, but love, time, understanding and attention will usually help mend it. 
16. Some things are worth working on.
17. Some things are not worth working on.
18. I can root against the UCLA Bruins when they are playing against my nephew and his Stanford Cardinal team.
19. Exercise really does help.
20. Watching a 5 year old learn letters, numbers, concepts and more is the coolest thing.  
21. Traveling with friends can surprise you.
22. I love to zipline.
23. Stanford is my 2nd favorite team, except when the Cardinal Men's water polo team is playing UCLA, then they are my favorite.
24. I despise studying, regardless of subject.  Not much has changed there in decades or ever.
25. Stopping the mind to just be in the moment is very, very hard.
26. Sometimes a box wine is just fine, although not all box wine is fine.
27. I don't miss my job at United.  Aside from the regular paycheck, that is.
28. Becoming friends with winery owners is fun and leads to good times with really good people.
29. I have a vital support system with some incredible friends.
30. Cancers still sucks.
31. "The Power of Now" is more like a super power.
32. I really can't sing, no matter how much I try.
33. My husband loves to take dance lessons.
34. Good intentions can be misconstrued and people can accuse you of things you never did, with no way to ever convince them otherwise.
35. I can survive anything.  Well, so far!

Joy

The other day while browsing Facebook I happened on a link to a song a dear friend posted.  Appreciating many of this friend's prior posts, I clicked on it and was delighted to listen to "Happy" by Pharrell Williams.

That song changed my entire mood, although I was not in a bad one to start.  It had me moving in my chair, then I started clapping my hands and, finally, I was up out of my chair dancing.  What I felt was joy.  Pure, unfiltered, unbridled and unrestrained joy.

When was the last time I had felt that way?

The last 24 months have been full of challenges: good ones, terrible ones, not great ones, and ones easily overcome.  You won't read about those on Facebook, you probably won't hear me speak of them in conversation.  The worst part is, in facing those challenges, even those over which I triumphed, I had lost my joy. I'm not saying I wasn't happy, either.  Those who know me know I'm generally a very happy person and certainly I have been happy, but joy was elusive.

Caveat: The exceptions have been moments with my now 5 year old niece.  A toddler (and now a youngster) knows pure joy and can give it if you are open to accepting it.  I am wide open to accepting her joy and it feeds my soul.

I never stopped working on the challenges to take a break, to maybe even celebrate the victory over them. I don't remember the last time I completely let joy overtake me, that I was able to live in that moment, in only that moment.

Eckert Tolle's book "The Power of Now" is about living in the moment, so is the concept of "Be here now".  However, it's almost impossible to be in the moment with all of our phones, tablets, computers, media and distracted driving pulling at our attention.  With the multitasking (or what we think is multitasking, but is really scattered productivity), it's impossible to fully experience one thing and only one thing.

How much richer could an experience be if it had our full attention?  A conversation where we didn't check our phone?  A drive where we didn't listen to news?  Watching "Homeland" without playing Candy Crush Saga?  Enjoying a meal without taking a photo of it to post to a social media site?

What if we just stopped.

What if we just stopped and lived in that moment?  Would that let joy back in?  Would stopping to let the sadness, the gladness, the emotion of the moment wash over us make it better?

I believe it would.  I am actively working to focus on the now.  To feel the water over my hands as I wash them.  To look up at the sky and see the clouds, feel the breeze.  I'm working to not be electronically connected ALL the time, but to be truly connected to the moment.

I want to again know that joy that "Happy" gave me for that instant.  I want to know and experience joy over things more than a song.  That means that I want to fully experience grief when it comes, to feel and acknowledge pain when I'm hurt emotionally as only through that do I believe I can heal from these things and move forward into joy.

Today I will take 10 minutes for me and be only in that moment, not thinking about what is going to happen after that 10 minutes or what happened before it.  Only what happens during it. 

And then I'll listen to "Happy" and I believe I'll dance.  You can, too.  Here's the link, below.

 Pharrell Williams, "Happy"